Is it really about finding the right person or learning to be the right person? For sure, when you are dating you are bound to run into some folk that definitely should not be on your get-to-know list. We could spend a lot of time talking about what makes a person the right one. Instead, I’d like to turn your attention to what I believe can be a much more crucial question ‘what am I doing to be the right person’ when my right person comes along?‘
I was having a conversation with a nice young woman who is dating a nice young man. Instead of looking at all of the good characteristics he has, she is already focusing on an issue that, in the scheme of things, is really not that big. And while she is focusing on that particular issue, she is not looking at her own issues. I really fear that she could blow a potentially good relationship because of her attitude. And, I would hate to see this happen. In the long run, my concerns are not really about the particular young man but more about how this young woman is viewing relationships in general and what her role is in making them work.
Matt 7:2-4 For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?
In any relationship, the only person you can ever hope to change is yourself. Women especially have a really bad habit of seeing the men they date as projects to be completed. We think that, with just a little bit of effort, we can transform them into what they need to be. This will never happen! I’ve been married 27 years. I know! Only God can change a person- and then only if the person wants to be changed. If you want a wonderful relationship, it is critical that you identify the plank in your own eye before trying to look for the sawdust in someone else’s. If you don’t, you’ll beat the heck out of them with your own issues.
Ask yourself some very honest questions. What issues do you really need to resolve so that you can be a blessing to the precious gift that God has for you? (Afterall, do you want someone to view you as their project?) Are you whole? Do you have hurts that need to be healed? If you are contemplating a long-term relationship that might end in marriage, what are you bringing to the table? Be honest. Do you have a lot of debt? Do you have your spending under control? Are you saving? Would someone want to share a home with you? Are you secure in who you are? Are you really as good a catch as you think you are or is God still doing a transforming work? I know you’re a gem, but even diamonds need to be cleaned to shine.
What are you thinking?
