One of my friends who recently graduated from Berea College was sharing the anxiety he is feeling after graduating from college. This is such an intense and often frightening and bewildering time in life. I well remember the feelings of loneliness as I moved from Virginia to DC and into an apartment with Mother, discouragement because employers weren’t beating my door down to hire me, and frustration that things should have been easier. My response was to enroll in graduate school at Howard University. It wasn’t the school for me but it lead me to Washington University so I know God was ordering my steps.

Transitions are never easy. It’s somewhat like driving on an unfamiliar highway. When you see a bend in the road up ahead you’re never quite sure what to make of it. You know you have to move forward but there is sometimes trepidation about that corner. Will you meet one of those huge trucks that seem to take up both lanes? Will there be a steep hill that makes your heart go thump? Is there a drunk driver just waiting to push you off the freeway? Your mind can imagine all kinds of problems if you let it run away. But you have a choice in periods of transition. Sure, there is a possibility that things might not go as smoothly as you hope. But, it is also possible that the bend is hiding a beautiful vista that you would never see if you didn’t keep moving forward. I find myself at a place of transition and this same choice is mine. Yesterday marked the last day of my period as Department Chair, a position I’ve held for seven years. I can choose to consider all of the negative possibilities around this next bend. That has unfortunately been my attitude in many seasons of my life. OR I can choose to see this as a tremendous opportunity for God to show out! I’m expecting beautiful vistas just around this bend.

It is normal to have feelings of trepidation during life’s transitions. Acknowledge the feeling and then pass it on to God who promised never to leave you nor forsake you. Take a deep breath and keep moving.

Is it really about finding the right person or learning to be the right person? For sure, when you are dating you are bound to run into some folk that definitely should not be on your get-to-know list. We could spend a lot of time talking about what makes a person the right one. Instead, I’d like to turn your attention to what I believe can be a much more crucial question ‘what am I doing to be the right person’ when my right person comes along?‘

I was having a conversation with a nice young woman who is dating a nice young man. Instead of looking at all of the good characteristics he has, she is already focusing on an issue that, in the scheme of things, is really not that big. And while she is focusing on that particular issue, she is not looking at her own issues.  I really fear that she could blow a potentially good relationship because of her attitude. And, I would hate to see this happen. In the long run, my concerns are not really about the particular young man but more about how this young woman is viewing relationships in general and what her role is in making them work.

Matt 7:2-4 For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use,          it will be measured to you. “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye                      and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother,                                ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?

In any relationship, the only person you can ever hope to change is yourself. Women especially have a really bad habit of seeing the men they date as projects to be completed. We think that, with just a little bit of effort, we can transform them into what they need to be. This will never happen! I’ve been married 27 years. I know! Only God can change a person- and then only if the person wants to be changed. If you want a wonderful relationship, it is critical that you identify the plank in your own eye before trying to look for the sawdust in someone else’s. If you don’t, you’ll beat the heck out of them with your own issues.

Ask yourself some very honest questions. What issues do you really need to resolve so that you can be a blessing to the precious gift that God has for you?  (Afterall, do you want someone to view you as their project?)   Are you whole? Do you have hurts that need to be healed?  If you are contemplating a long-term relationship that might end in marriage, what are you bringing to the table? Be honest. Do you have a lot of debt?  Do you have your spending under control?  Are you saving? Would someone want to share a home with you?  Are you secure in who you are?  Are you really as good a catch as you think you are or is God still doing a transforming work?   I know you’re a gem, but even diamonds need to be cleaned to shine.

What are you thinking?

I’m curious about what young people are being taught about money. Is anyone teaching you how to earn it and how to manage it once you get some?

Money was a constant struggle for me when I was growing up. Mostly, I didn’t have any. What I needed for school activities I sometimes had to swipe from my grandmother before she used it all to buy alcohol. When I got to college I was often just as broke but at least had work study on campus. It was in graduate school that my education, the hard way, began. I had a nice apartment and car but a very small graduate fellowship. Therefore, I lived on loans and credit cards. Not once had anyone told me that I needed to live within a budget!  I met the man who was to become my husband and we doubled the debt. He hadn’t been taught any more than I about how to manage finances. It seems obvious but I learned a couple of things. First, if you buy something with a credit card, the company eventually expects you to pay. Second, you will never get out of debt by paying the minimum on credit cards and continuing to use them. It took bankruptcy and years of being treated like a criminal to fully understand that. Naturally, when I had children money was at the top of my list of subjects to teach. So, why does it sometimes seem as if [young] people have to learn the lessons the hard way instead of listening to wise counsel? Must we always touch the hot stove for ourselves to see if what we are told is really true?

Tell me where you are regarding money. Are you learning the hard way or are you listening to what is being taught?

Just recently one of my young friends posted a message on facebook that something seemed to be missing from his life. This is my response. Chat back at me.

It’s normal to question who you are, to search for meaning, to wonder about your life. Just be careful about who you expect to help you answer. The lost and confused cannot help those who are in the same situation. What I want both of you to know is that you are awesome men of God. You were created by God for a purpose and God made you special and gifted you in ways that only you can be. You won’t find your identity in a girlfriend or in the friends that you hang out with. You will only truly find your identity through a relationship with the God who made you. Once you get that part together, once you know who you are in Christ, then the world is open for you, my friends! The world doesn’t need anymore men who look good on the outside and are hollow and empty on the inside. We need men who are willing to stand up and be counted. We need young men who are willing to treat young women like the gifts they are. We need young men who know they are royalty. We need you.

To say that there are a lot of hurting people is a gross understatement. Almost daily we see the evidence of that pain in senseless violence and destruction. Today was a horrible example. My heart goes out to the families of the injured and fallen students at Northern Illinois University (http://news.sky.com/skynews/article/0,,30200-1305546,00.html?f=rss)

We send our children to college to get an education. Instead of being trained in their chosen disciplines many, unfortunately, are learning that college can be a dangerous environment. In times like this, those of us with faith in God are bound to wonder why these kinds of senseless things occur. I wish that I had a satisfying answer. The question of why bad things happen to good people has the been the subject of many books and many conversations. God, the creator of the universe, does not force God’s will on anyone. As a result, there are people in the world who are just not very nice. In fact, there are some very mean and ugly-acting people in the world. There are also people who have, themselves, been so abused or neglected that they cause terrible harm to others out of their own pain. I don’t know why these kinds of tragedies occur. I do not pretend to understand it myself. However, one thing that is absolutely certain is God’s love. When things make no sense whatsoever, God remains a shelter. God is able to provide peace in the midst of all of our storms. On days like this when our hearts are broken over the loss of these beautiful young people we can turn to God for comfort knowing that God really does care.

Pray with me.

Lord, I ask that you be very present in the lives of every student who is impacted by the violence at Northern Illinois University. God, we do not understand why this occurred. And our hearts grieve for the senselessness of this act. But God, we trust you. Our hearts are overwhelmed so lead us to the Rock that is higher than we are (Psalm 61:2). Lord, the scripture teaches that your strength is made perfect in weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9). We feel very weak right now, Lord, and need to lean into your strength. Uphold us with your right hand. God, give us the peace that passes all understanding. Speak peace into hearts that are fearful. Speak peace into hearts that are angry. Speak peace into hearts that are anxious. Speak peace into every part of our lives, Lord. And God, you promise to work all things together for good. We cannot see the good right now, Lord. But we trust that you will reveal it in due time. Lord, do not let the deaths of these young people be in vain. We thank you in advance for being God! We anxiously await the healing that you will bring.

Amen.

If you do not know God as savior, I invite you to give your life to him. If you need to know more about how to do this, please write. Either post here or email me at revdonna.cox@gmail.com.

God bless.

Rev. Donna

I am convinced that most people have no clue just how special they truly are. This can be especially true for young people. Sometimes life seems a bit rough and unfair. Sometimes, as life presses around you, it is difficult to remember that God loved you so much that God was willing to sacrifice Jesus for you. John 3:16-17 are familiar passages but the words are more than mere words – they are LIFE.

John 3:16 For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. 17 For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved.

So, let’s talk about it. What does this mean to you? Do you have questions that I may be able to answer related to how this impacts your life?